OH ME

      On recent times i noticed my Mind has been hacked! I find myself thinking about certain uncertainties... My mind ponder with guilt when ever I make a mistake, like I have disappointed my well being not to talk about the invisible sledgehammer hanging over my head, like a pendulum paying careful attention to whatever I harbour in mind even before the action, waiting for me to make a mistake, I feel the pain ringing down my spine whenever the sledgehammer lands on my brain, when a mistake is noted, giving me the impression that I am supposed to be perfect? not ready to accept my imperfections.... Who am I to be perfect? I am only human, and it is badly consuming the mentality of the man of my age the man i am supposed to be, by appearance,my mentality, by act, skills of wording, modes of handling situation, my composure, how to think fast and give intelligent and smart reply to situation without having to rethink after the scenario that "this is the reply I am supposed to have given"," this is what I should have said" and all that.... I now lack the courage to come over past mistakes that keep haunting me like a nightmare, and like a day monster, I used to be strong physically and spiritually, bold in spirit and courageous in nature, I carry crowd who believe in my nature of proper arrangement ability but I am never fast in thinking, that I think is the first that needs to be treated... But now I am weak in spirit, I still fall in that port hole that I was told to take note of by those who has gone through same road on so many occasions and then I often look for excuses, look for someone to blame, like oh! they didn't give me the full story, they didn't give me the map, the didn't indicate the port hole was on the tiny road part and not the express way, it wasn't indicated! Oh why was it no painted as indicated in the map. For God sake, do you expect them to give you everything? No... There are things I was supposed to learn myself... Now I know, so right about now I want to take old of my old heart again, the heart of a matter, the heart of the african man, and so I urge you courage to come again, I promise to give you an everlasting grip this time around, there is yet another hack, i need you on this battle field of conscience, to help me fight and conquer my doubting spirit, guilt, lies, guilt, disappoint, sluggishness, to win back my stability, faith, courage, truth and tactics. Yes I need tactics to know who this hacker is I am fed up of fighting blind wars, because I now realize that this war is not physical, I saw it in my dream, the revelation that the war has never been physical, though it took me years to understand that this particular war does not need blood shed, gun fire, throat slicing, bombing, raping, rocket launching, innocent killings, not even the war rigs or the war boys this time. like the previous wars who's victory never last long, Now what I need is negotiation forgiveness, my religion, my focus, my God and study, to learn about other people I no longer want to continue to judge by what I heard about them I want to study the horses behaviour, to see the way great mend handle immediate and extended situation and of cause spying, even go as far as acting like a fool sometimes in order to get the required equipments to set up an army with the likes of the American and British in my mind to mount everlasting guard barricade my mind so that there won't be a repeat of my mind been hacked again, Because I now live on my past glory, the giant in me has slumber for too long, before it will come to the notice of those who rely on me, and to the people who find refuge my shoulder, the people who believe in me, those that see await me to pave the way of their future, that it is dawn on me. Because generations rely on me